how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
