I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
