I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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