Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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