is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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