One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
