it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
