We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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