I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
