Define "chronic" masturbator.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
