Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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