our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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