The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
