He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
