So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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