i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
