I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
