On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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