if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
