I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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