So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
