Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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