Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
