I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
