So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
