So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
