Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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