How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
