still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
