you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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