We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
