Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
