She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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