thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
