we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
