Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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