Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
