My room smells like vodka and shame
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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