i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
