woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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