well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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