Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
