In the future we'll all be gay
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
