From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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