I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
try to milk me bitch
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