Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
why do cheetos always look like penises
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.