I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
