omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.