Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.