Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
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it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
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I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.