Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize