I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
