You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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