In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
