I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
