I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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