His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
