I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
