I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
