so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
