Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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