he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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