We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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