there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
