Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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