SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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