I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so let's talk penis.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
