Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
