I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
