Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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