five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
