Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have tasted many bathrooms
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
