Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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