So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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