I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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