Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
