Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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