You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
