I want to walk on stilts...naked
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
