i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
