I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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